Reddit has gotta be the lamest site on the internet [2022)

If you are a rule-obsessed control freak, Reddit is the place for you.

It manages to be an antithesis (perhaps, THE antithesis) of the freedom which the internet represents.

I go over there to post some Spotify playlists.

I download the app.

I spend all this fucking time making a dumb-as-shit avatar.

I join about 10 communities.

Only to find out (one by one) that they all have a million rules.

Seriously.

What kind of liberal bullshit is Reddit?

I’m on Twitter, but none of my posts get any views.

Facebook has “moved my posts lower in the ‘news feed'” for 90 days.

Because I shared “misinformation” too many times.

You can’t fucking curse on GETTR (as far as I know).

But at least no one is micromanaging your posts.

Gab is pretty fucking awesome.

But it’s a really small community.

It seems like the initial buzz around Gab has been tempered a bit.

AND there is no Gab app.

THAT is annoying.

But it’s because Apple and Google are cocksuckers.

Speaking of which…

Poor Parler.

I really dug that site.

But then the Apple (App Store)/Google (Google Play)/Amazon (AWS) criminal cartel teamed up to run Parler out of business.

Last time I tried to use it, it wasn’t functional at all.

So I just closed my account.

But Apple, Google, and Amazon should be tried in a RICO case.

These fucking Silicon Valley pricks are racketeering out the wazoo!

https://www.cnn.com/2021/01/09/tech/parler-suspended-apple-app-store/index.html

TikTok is kinda cool.

Really!

It probably has the most people on it.

Even if most of them are 14.

But hey: that was The Beatles’ demographic.

Young people dig music.

And there are some great creators on TikTok.

My favorite is kandiesz.

I hope i spelled it right.

She really does some cool stuff.

I’ve watched all her videos and they were so good that I deleted all the ones I made and started over again.

So, yeah.

I’m on TikTok.

But TikTok has a China problem.

It is, of course, a Chinese app.

The parent company (Chinese) absolutely gets access to American user information.

This is why Trump banned TikTok.

Essentially, he forced TikTok to be sold to an American company.

Who bought it?

Microsoft?

Nobody.

Because Biden became President.

And Biden decided not to ban it.

https://www.nationalreview.com/2021/06/tiktok-is-chinas-trojan-horse/

Think if you worked at the Defense Intelligence Agency and had TikTok on your phone.

That’s a big no-no.

But all these apps (Facebook, et al.) are tracking the fuck out of us.

And Zuckerberg is a China cocksucker.

He goes over there looking for money.

I know he did (for sure) around 2010.

https://www.ecommercetimes.com/story/zuckerberg-goes-searching-in-china-71499.html

And his fake-ass refugee wife Priscilla Chan let him do it.

http://www.chinesetimeschool.com/en-us/forum/-1/4618/posts/

She’s not a Cantonese speaker from Vietnam.

She’s a goddamn Chinese spy.

A NANNY!

And so is Mitch McConnell’s wife Elaine Chao.

Look up McConnell’s sister-in-law Angela Chao.

On the fucking board of the Bank of China!

One of the biggest banks in communist China!!!

https://www.boc.cn/en/investor/ir6/201504/t20150402_4830133.html

She’s another fake-ass refugee.

You think she and her family are genuine Taiwanese refugees from communism?

Not a chance in hell.

Look at the father and his shipping company.

Look who builds the ships.

But GETTR also has a China problem.

Is Miles Guo really an anti-communist refugee?

I have my fucking doubts.

Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t.

But I don’t trust him.

Not yet.

And why is Steve Bannon all up on his ballsack?

But TikTok is a whole other kind of evil.

The word “depression” is not trending.

At all.

As in, no one has ever tagged a TikTok #depression .

MY ASS!!!

And you know what else is memory-holed?

#CrimesAgainstHumanity

Well ain’t that fucking convenient?!?

[Remember: TikTok did not actually get sold to an American company.]

You can’t see how many times “depression” and/or “crimes against humanity” have been applied to TikToks???

That’s some fucking bullshit right there.

But Twitter operates the same way.

Trump was absolutely right: Twitter should not be allowed to do business (the way they are currently doing business) in the USA.

Same for Facebook.

Facebook is like the FBI of social media.

They are censoring grandmas and grandpas for wrongthink.

Fuck Facebook!

Fuck Mark Zuckerberg!!

What a creepy android, spoiled-milk, Chinese-commie cocksucker!!!

Speaking of which.

Instagram.

If I post inane shit, it gets tons of likes.

If I post something political, it’s fucking crickets.

Twitter is similar.

Facebook (or actually Meta, the parent company which owns Instagram) does the same thing.

These social media companies are trying to ENGINEER you.

They are engineering SOCIETY.

They are punishing people for wrongthink.

They are rewarding people for thought acceptable to the Biden regime. [social credit]

{speaking of which, Reddit actually keeps track of your “karma” on the app…that is, my friends, a social credit score…it is still voluntary…you don’t have to be on Reddit…but if you’re on there, you’re gonna have a “karma” score. You might think I’m overreacting. But it is the same as TikTok not letting “crimes against humanity” trend. It is the same thing as all these companies punishing wrongthink through algorithmic “deboosting” aka shadow banning…if you trick the algorithm into thinking you have become a Democrat (takes a lot of work if you have a brain), then a few posts might get through the blockade. But as soon as you say an ill word about the vaccines, you are back in the digital slammer. Your voice is squelched}

And make no mistake: Zuckerberg, Paraga, Vijaya…all these fuckers are hand-in-glove with Biden.

In fact, Biden is probably not leftist enough for them.

He’s not a socialist-cool as AOC or Bernie.

And neither of those twats could operate a convenience store in anything but the red.

So our voices are pushed to the margin.

Because we think differently.

Fuck.

Because we THINK!!!

If you don’t take the COVID vaccines, you are ostracized from society.

Fuck that.

Those fucking things are neither safe, nor effective.

So nobody can hear me on Twitter.

I can post endless shit and hashtag it and it just sits there forever.

Gab is trying (God bless them).

GETTR is marginally-better than the Silicon dipshits.

Facebook is a total loss.

I get a three month slap on the wrist because I know how to tie together links to the CDC website and Open VAERS.

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines/safety/adverse-events.html

https://openvaers.com/covid-data/mortality

I know how to show VAERS underreporting by linking to a BMJ article on Kawasaki disease.

https://www.bmj.com/rapid-response/2011/11/02/underreporting-vaccine-adverse-events

Fuck it.

I only have two goddamn degrees.

Misinformation my ass.

It’s because I disagree with Science ™ (aka Anthony Fauci).

There’s one I haven’t mentioned (which is quite good): Telegram.

But Telegram is not really social media per se.

It’s messaging.

It’s groups.

You cannot build a following on Telegram.

It’s a one-way street.

If you already have a following, you can reach them on Telegram.

But I like it.

It’s effective.

That’s why Germany is trying to ban Telegram.

https://www.dw.com/en/germany-takes-on-telegram-to-fight-extremism/a-60474738

Germany is just as Nazi as it ever was.

And the Nazis are running the government!

If something doesn’t change quick, there are going to be quarantine camps there and elsewhere.

They are already in northern Australia.

https://timcast.com/news/a-look-at-australias-mandatory-supervised-quarantine-facility/

Australia has fallen.

It is not hyperbole.

And Austria (the land of Hitler) has also fallen.

Who’s actually fighting back against the vaccine/health tyranny we are seeing?

Australia is fighting back a little.

Maybe too little, too late.

Germany is fighting back.

France is kinda fighting back.

They are thinking about fighting back.

The best, BY FAR, are the Dutch.

The Netherlands (and Belgium, to a large extent) are fighting back harder than any people on the planet.

American blacks are not fighting back.

Negroes in New York city and other urban areas are letting their rights get trampled on.

All because they think that if they rock the boat, they might not get reparations.

WAKE UP, MY NEGRO BROTHERS AND SISTERS!

STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS NOW!!!

THE REPARATIONS AIN’T HAPPENING!!!!!!!!

You got conned.

We all got conned.

Biden ain’t gonna give you reparations.

Fake-ass Kamala ain’t gonna give you reparations.

Al Sharpton is a fake-ass motherfucker.

They’re all fake.

AOC is fake as fuck.

LeBron sucks Chinese commie cock.

https://www.dailywire.com/news/lebron-bows-to-communist-china-pro-hong-kong-advocates-not-educated-negative-things-come-with-free-speech

I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it go:

https://open.spotify.com/track/07QYKBQaIlvPE7iwK7W9Ce?si=8a76b3643a864077

Which brings us to Trump.

I am so fucking pissed off at Trump right now for embracing these shit-for-brains vaccines.

10,000+ vaccine deaths in the USA according to the CDC.

20,000+ according to Open VAERS.

If you take into account that VAERS is passive surveillance (reporting is voluntary)…

And you also take into account that the system catches less than one percent of serious adverse events like Kawasaki disease in children (underreporting by a factor of ten)…

Then 10,000 vaccine deaths is actually (potentially) 100,000.

And 20,000 (the CDC is parsing HHS VAERS data to make it look half as bad as it actually is) may actually by 200,000.

“Where are they hiding these deaths”, you might ask.

They are chalked up as COVID deaths.

Why? And how?

Because these vaccines are clearly ineffective (at best).

Fauci knows damn well what antibody-dependent enhancement is.

If a vaccine is not properly and thoroughly tested (as the three COVID vaccines in the USA were not), then it has a possibility of making someone who catches the virus WORSE!

https://brandnewtube.com/watch/flashback-fauci-knew-vaccines-could-make-covid-infection-worse_JDQnlph2eQWqQT6.html

There is little other explanation for what is going on (aside from the idiocy of mass vaccination DURING a pandemic [creating variants which may go against the natural progression of viruses]).

A virus should become more contagious and less deadly during a pandemic.

If it is a natural virus (which COVID-19 most certainly is not [it was created in a lab]).

JAG_Docs_pt1_Og_WATERMARK_OVER_Redacted 2

Omicron is more contagious.

Ok, that adds up.

And Omicron is certainly less-deadly that Delta.

But HOW IN THE FUCK COULD WE HAVE TWICE (!) AS MANY COVID DEATHS YESTERDAY IN THE USA (when many many many Americans have been vaccinated) AS ONE YEAR AGO TODAY WHEN NOBODY (n o b o d y) HAD BEEN VACCINATED. The vaccines barely had come into existence. A very, very few people had been vaccinated against COVID in the USA one year ago.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-covid-deaths-2021-vaccines-b1963790.html

So with the benefit of A YEAR of vaccinations (and boosters!), we have twice as many deaths (yesterday…as compared to one year earlier).

Not only that, less people died under Trump (and without the vaccines) than have died under Biden (and with the vaccines).

Look it up.

https://www.cbsnews.com/video/us-covid-19-deaths-in-2021-surpass-2020-death-toll-johns-hopkins-university-says/

https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/582502-us-covid-19-deaths-in-2021-outpace-last-years-toll

https://www.forbes.com/sites/kimberleespeakman/2021/11/20/us-covid-deaths-in-2021-pass-toll-for-2020/?sh=56b1648335a5

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/u-s-has-already-seen-more-covid-deaths-in-2021-than-2020-before-vaccines-were-available-as-experts-again-warn-pandemic-is-not-over-11637769586

https://www.wsj.com/articles/u-s-covid-19-deaths-in-2021-surpass-2020-11637426356

https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20211122/us-covid-deaths-2021-surpass-2020-total

THAT MEANS THE VACCINES DON’T FUCKING WORK.

And the VAERS data mean that the vaccines are dangerous as fuck!

Correlation does not necessarily mean causation?

You’re gonna play that card here??

Ok.

Go to Open VAERS.

Get the data.

https://openvaers.com/covid-data

10,000+ heart attacks among the recently-vaccinated.

About 3,500 miscarriages.

Which brings me to Trump.

I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing.

Do I expect (considering his moronic embrace of the vaccines) that Truth Social (his forthcoming social network) will be a success?

No.

I like Trump.

A lot!

Or I did!

Until early-October when he started shilling for Pfizer.

“I got the Pfizer” (and encouraging people to get vaccinated).

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-i-got-the-pfizer-125703879.html?guccounter=1

Casually mentioning his vaccination status in Dallas in what was essentially a church setting (people singing hymns and stuff).

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/trump-played-conspiracy-theory-hits-024518810.html

Lying (?) to Candace Owens about “people who are taking the vaccines are not dying” (paraphrase).

https://www.axios.com/trump-candace-owens-dying-vaccine-covid-92fd3eb3-f5ec-4167-8649-113903119de1.html

WRONG!

And then Trump goes after Ron DeSantis because DeSantis won’t reveal his booster status?!?

He didn’t go after him by name, but the reference was clear.

DeSantis is “gutless” according to Trump’s philosophy.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-roasts-gutless-desantis-for-keeping-his-booster-status-a-secret

Well, FUCK TRUMP!!!

Give me #DeSantis2024.

Give me #Rand2024.

Give me #Tucker2024.

Give me #Candace2024.

Give me ANYBODY with a brain.

The vaccines are THE MAIN issue.

Trump is on THE WRONG SIDE of the issue.

Give me RFK Jr. 2024.

Fuck it!

At least he’s honest and educated about the vaccines.

And now for the playlists I was gonna post on Reddit.

Because this is my website and I can do whatever the fuck I want here.

I make the rules.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0E0W9my3Q0eNsCWcikswaD?si=14a2c42dd8ad48f6

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6aOLBPPajuexDPg3v4MLC0?si=67a8f3d65e414fc3

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3uv9YHzQE82WaQTEyrDkdK?si=2c6652b150a547e2

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5MGkJjRK9X95dXhVs7OzoM?si=bd6b04d9524c4478

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4hxwmEUq43G7BnBzNo2obB?si=6f20c27cb1994c4f

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6mUAPLEtkRPfFCRSoZrhXz?si=03ac4f7d6b454423

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5v42kfrr52agnKGaZaRinf?si=94d21b9b8c2c4eda

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Le9nmZYI75Ic6tOCq5RCf?si=2fc027d6f61a431b

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1K3rAlh31Y943qwnKsUmHx?si=0f42aa7e8fe345a0

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2F34z84A0jK5krvV4cwzIL?si=36b244dcad834384

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6CMti5D7dHv2cO81rTHotj?si=51c2ae5aed884c8c

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6MU7Sgv3YN4QmRUVuzalMc?si=e966b16ace29492e

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3BybBY0EUoZYiaFWBkuiRv?si=4ffbda9bf37a4f41

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6nuoJEZ2ccruMnBsbggHZX?si=10d251bd047c42b3

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2pcdmFTBrd66Imy1kLkOoy?si=2162de68c1554b26

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2xNB2yUB3kUpgt29Lv9VJG?si=a52d3feab203423f

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4ts8kpXGiogG0LfRy3kaLd?si=eaa6a5dbbe7340a2

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6rCna5UNNyAG6vUN8SmsvC?si=90e31739df154334

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5EwoqCB7ATKD4gE4S7epeF?si=babb7ab140eb4b1b

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2a1Jde4Nas91y7YboyL9nL?si=89df89c20748442a

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/02vRXxX2yCfQGTZFPfRxys?si=11cb1fe57a364ede

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5Dv8L0XhLGWaOxEGWj5u7V?si=a87de3cd6ca8480d

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3szn7vn6f1TC5TcO5VTX1s?si=38c779f5c3704dc6

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3eBu2QoNiYiyFlIMLTiJz7?si=63fc4841f0484c25

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2jkFVjOC1TKMRhatYIvkKg?si=c5f890e8d9134e2f

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0OycxVADCMynt9zGi2uAeK?si=35f11f87b9dc4c41

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3SZk7FBS1PoiP2jkTKIOZq?si=dd3ee5587cde4de3

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3AHw33KYtMQ2IRMykXmz8o?si=746e97fb15ed4836

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3vcqMwdC6NfccY1ONqZ9dV?si=2f8bb80673d84042

-PD

Minions [2015)

When I think of minions, I think of Robby Mook and Jennifer Palmieri (to name but two).

That is, if we are using the standard meaning of the word “minion”.

But the Minions are a transcendent bunch (unlike the two bootlickers I just named).

They have a sense of humor.

And thus, in the spirit of James Joyce, I give you my first film review in Minionese.

Kan urbeth odecaw boring, ta minions cono labada veela da pen a daga abaqi.

Yee la Lum, Fouwet, yee Yok ka kow kapee en a yukrya de epic proportions.

Strangely, tadda evil get she da Tarhay.

Scarlet Overkill tis a telboa evocation de Hillary Piachi.

Incidentally, ta reh marnib tos faked een 1968 ka a suka tomhes een ta USA dahbe da ba hyp.

Ope Yok!

Yee pem yippod kupa Tut Podesta tis roopa een ta torture anrig.

Ta scarlet no Hillary dit da be princess.

OKAY, ENOUGH OF THAT.

We should talk more.

About these lovable entities who seek to be slaves.

Perhaps within all of us, we are each waiting for just the right “big boss” to come along.

It makes me think of the Jimmy Reed song “Big Boss Man”…such a wonderful tune!

But the Minions (as a species?) are even too dangerous for their employers.

They do not lack devotion.

No, no.

They wish nothing but to serve.

Yet, they are extremely accident-prone.

The downside risk for a potential employer is, then, astronomical.

I must say…much of this film is a masterpiece.

But there is a political message in this film.

And that is the riddle I am trying to disentangle.

The Minions aren’t just drawn to “villains”, but even beasts of great strength.

However, somehow they begin to put more import in works which most societies would categorize as criminal.

[hence the PG rating]

The funny thing about the minions…they don’t quite know why they’re doing anything…they’re just born to do it.

It is genetic.

Perhaps an atavistic reemergence of a survival mechanism (a warrior mindset) which dates to their birth as single-celled organisms.

On an artful note, these Esperanto berserkrs are led by three very vanilla-named blokes: Kevin, Bob, and Stuart.

Bob seems to have the same conjunctivitis-related eye condition (each eye a different color) as had the late David Bowie.

But it’s interesting…

These cute little mindless happy-go-lucky pseudo-pets…

In the milieu of EVIL.

If the voice of Howlin’ Wolf don’t make you believe in “Evil”, then perhaps Robert Johnson will get under your skin with “Hellhound on my Trail”.

And it’s odd.

Why this fascination with evil?

By Universal Studios. By NBCUniversal. By Comcast.

Let me elaborate…

This film was voted on at the 2016 Kids’ Choice Awards…

Hmmm…

Yes, there are definitely some strange messages in this film.

And plenty of laughs.

And I am thoroughly biased, but I can’t imagine anyone else as the inspiration for Scarlet Overkill than Hillary Clinton.

On a side note, John Podesta’s likeness seems to make a cameo when we see the Minions working for Dracula.

And of course the torture chamber…which we asked about above in Minionese…as per WikiLeaks…is Tony Podesta still down there?

Ok, I’ve restrained myself.

No talk of certain Italian foods.

Or ballpark concessions.

No gates.

Simply a door into a fascinating and very clever film directed by Pierre Coffin and Kyle Balda.

Which leaves many questions unanswered.

And I didn’t even get to Orlando.

-PD

Twin Peaks “Drive With a Dead Girl” [1990)

This one’s a bit of a let-down.

THe strategy of tension requires two things.

Strategy.

And tension.

It is the second which is missing this time out.

As David Lynch’s masterful direction is followed by that of metteur en scène Caleb Deschanel.

The result is close to bathos.

But let’s be honest…it’s hard to tell this kind of story.

Reaching for the stars.

Sometimes fall flat on our faces.

Ray Wise is plenty creepy.

But you can’t come down from the previous episode.

And so I defend Mr. Deschanel a bit.

His material was lacking.

The story was dog-paddling.

Stretching.

A bit of fluff here and there.

We encountered such a phenomenon early in this second season.

And so how did things get to such a state of affairs?

Was Lynch’s price for directing an episode that high?

Did ABC refuse to pay?

I will have to investigate that more.

Maidan false flag.

” snipers’ massacre.

Feb. 20, 2014.

Just like Victoria Nuland, BREXIT was “Fcuk the EU!”

# dead in Ukraine episode: 49

http://sputniknews.com/europe/20160103/1032633643/study-maidan-deaths-false-flag.html

Number fake fatalities in Orlando: 49

Modus operandi Euromaidan event: snipers.

Dallas Police chief: “triangulation”

Jim Marrs: “crossfire”

JFK. Dallas.

M.O. coming home to roost.

Either same co-op team (same training) as Ukraine coup (U.S. authorship).

Or Russian warning through use of same M.O.

Snipers at a rally.

Thesis > Antithesis > Synthesis

Endlessly Hegel in rising spiral dialectic.

Orlando indicates not Russia.

Seriation.

As your lawyer, I’d suggest you get another lawyer.

Last in his class.

As opposed to me.

First.

It ain’t Harvard, but it’s hard work.

THis is what’s missing here.

Ted BUndy trying (“trying”) to help catch the Green River Killer.

Prolonging the stint of his pathetic hide.

Another failed lawyer.

Representing himself (should have tipped us off).

In the bar. Adjourn to the bar. Law clerk whips up three drinks.

Winnebago judge.

Another very smart commentator mentioned the D.C. sniper.

Also implausible.

And the 1996 Olympic bombing. Army of God. Not credible.

What about Mark Cuban’s recent million-dollar gift to the Dallas police department?

And why he supports Hillary?

Hmmm…

She would be popping champagne…such immaculate distraction.

Tailored to agenda.

Challenge the precepts upon which your art is built.

The craftsman attends the town hall.

Makes cabinets.

And is involved.

-PD

4 Comments

#8 Mr. Bean in Room 426 [1993)

First, a short list of Hulu failings:

-Pootie Tang (shite)

-Mordecai (shite)

-Lars and the Real Girl (epically shite)

-The Voices (shite)

-Mystery Team (shite)

-Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (shite squared) [catalog dilemma]

-Anchorman 2 (shite to the second power)

-Beverly Hills Cop II (repetitive shiteness) [catalog dilemma]

-Cannonball Run II (must see first episode to appreciate this shite)

-Teen Wolf Too (now with word shite!)

-The Naked Gun 2 1/2 (quasi-decimal shite)

-The Naked Gun 33 1/3 (LP shite)

-My Best Friend’s Wedding (shite)

-Cashback (shite)

-Dear White People (shite)

-Everything Must Go (shite)

-Jerry Maguire (shite)

-The Skeleton Twins (shite)

-Trailer Park Boys (shite)

-16-Love (shite)

-Novocaine (sic shite)

-Dark Horse (Judeo-Nepotistic shite)

-Little Paradise (shite)

-Frances Ha (epically shite)

-Stranger Than Fiction (shite)

-8 Heads in a Duffel Bag (shite)

-C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America (ambitious shite)

-Trees Lounge (depressing attempt at shite)

-King of California (total shite)

-Dead Hooker in a Trunk (go-back-to-film-school shite)

-Are You Joking? (more Judeo-Nepotistic shite)

-And Now a Word From Our Sponsors (shite)

-Falling Star (Kosher Casino shite)

-Jewtopia (no comment)

-The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (Swedish shite)

-Heathers (cruel shite)

-Sleeping Beauty (barely shite)

-Gold (Irish shite)

-The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (quintessential shite)

-Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit (lazy shite)

-Mission: Impossible (a colon-full of Scientologist shite)

-Space Milkshake (actually, not too bad…)

[I hate to say it, but the number of films by mediocre directors named Schwarz is really astonishing.]

Now, you might reason: these are just the rantings of an anti-Semitic film snob.

I admit I don’t laugh easily.

It takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry.

Mostly I don’t like waste.

Entitled filmmakers are more likely to make shite.

They didn’t earn their stripes.

They have an uncle who works for Sony Pictures.

Actually, the film school rubbish on Hulu is astonishing.

It is completely venal in nature.

I just happen to have had some bad experiences with unfunny Jewish films.

What do I mean, “Jewish films”?

I mean exactly what Brandon Tartikoff was referring to when he first saw the Seinfeld pilot.

In that instance, Tartikoff (himself Jewish) was wrong.

Seinfeld was genius!

Seinfeld is a funny show.

Yes, it exists in a Jewish milieu.

Tartikoff thought the show was “too Jewish” to appeal to Americans in general.

He was wrong.

But, sadly, now we have a gaggle of filmmakers who think they are Woody Allen or Mel Brooks.

Status update: those two guys actually have talent!

Which is not to say they didn’t make some clunkers.

Hulu happens to have picked up two of those clunkers: Bananas and Life Stinks.

No one’s perfect.

But please…dear world Jewry,

Please tell your precocious sons and daughters that they aren’t all geniuses.

Who’s funding this shit?

Hulu: who the fuck is in charge over there!?!

Your catalog indicates that you enjoy wasting the monthly fees people pay for your woeful service.

Ok, ok…

A short list of Hulu successes:

-the Criterion collection

THE END.

And so…what part of the Hulu catalog presently needs the most work?

Answer: the comedy genre of movies.

Second most problematic lack of imaginative curation?

Answer: the drama genre of movies.

[If you think that Hulu’s selection of movies might be lacking (based on my first two points of emphasis), then you are right: it is!]

Third crappiest category on Hulu?

Answer: the “action & adventure” genre of movies.

Even Hulu’s genres are ass-backwards compared to the pinpoint precision of iTunes.

Korean Drama? Really??? Ok. I guess Hulu is really killing it in Seoul (and Pyongyang).

CEO Mike Hopkins needs to take a long look in the mirror.

Whoever got the Criterion catalog, give that person an infinite raise.

The rest of them? Fire their sorry asses.

Beth Comstock needs to overturn the moneychangers’ tables.

Destroy YOUR business, Ms. Comstock.

Jason Kilar…you know what doesn’t work? Faux-dreams.

Faux-tographs.

A catalog of shite.

Make a call. Do lunch.

“Anywhere, Anytime: Shite”

“For the Love of shite”

“Come Shite with Us”

Lot of people drawing a check at Hulu and turning out a subpar service.

The name Hulu comes from two Mandarin Chinese words…both of which translate roughly to “shite”.

Now, just to be fair…I wouldn’t sign up for Netflix if my life depended on it.

iTunes is a horribly antiquated business model (and offers very little value for consumers).

Amazon Prime Video was petty to disallow MacBooks (as incompatible devices) as late as last year. Not to mention that Jeff Bezos is just a wannabe Rupert Murdoch who bans books like Nobody Died at Sandy Hook. [And yes, Virginia, Murdoch is the great Satan.]

And so, with such a paltry selection of movies on Hulu, I’ve been forced to examine its television offerings. The prospects are not much better.

But I will give credit where credit is due.

Mr. Bean was an excellent pickup.

If you want a tight, seamless work of art (unlike this rambling, frothing review), then check out the episode under consideration.

You know, not even the childlike Rowan Atkinson was above making fun of old people (in this episode) or suggesting that continental Europeans be purposefully killed by British drivers (tourists). Check out his standup comedy album from 1995 for the latter bit.

Which just goes to show…we all lose our heads.

We all exercise poor judgment. We all have poor taste now and then.

You may not believe it, but I have put my own sorry butt on the line to stand up for world Jewry.

I will be the first to admit that my term “Judeo-Nepotistic” is incredibly crass and insensitive.

And still, I would ask that Jews (who are no doubt hard-pressed on all sides) please exercise some judgment of their own. Transparent nepotism is really tasteless. It goes against our better Jeffersonian principles.

So there you have it. Bobby Fischer was a jerk. The Holocaust really happened. Not so sure about the gas chambers. You’re welcome Faurisson. The Earth is not flat. 9/11 was an inside job (and therefore not an Israeli job). Insofar as it was an Israeli job, the U.S. government was at least half-responsible. It was much more likely an Israeli job than a Saudi job. Much more likely a purely self-inflicted inside job (no substantial Israeli involvement) than an Israeli job. And finally, Israel is a criminal country oppressing the Palestinians in a most disgusting manner.

And for good measure, yes Donald Trump is a bigot. And he’s horribly wrong about immigration (both in regards to our Mexican brothers and sisters and our Islamic brothers and sisters). But he’s still the only real choice for President.

Sanders has been right about one thing: Snowden. Snowden’s a hero. But America is not a socialist country. Sanders would actually be a bigger step backwards than Trump.

The other candidates (Clinton and Cruz) are worthless.

So there you go, Hulu…I need some better circuses here!

To keep me out of the political arena!!

I could use some bread as well 🙂

In any case, I’m sorry for my vile ranting.

But film is my religion. Through film, omnism.

Stop defiling my religion, Hulu. Your thoughtlessness is ghastly.

Hire some people who love cinema.

Get your shit together.

-PD

5 Comments

Deutschland im Jahre Null [1948)

The first thing film critics have to get right is the title.

Let me explain a bit.

On my site, I always list a film in its original language (to the best of my ability).

In my opinion, that is the best way of honoring the film.

So far, I have encountered the mild idiosyncrasies of Romanian, Serbo-Croat, Czech, and Polish in addition to the mind-blowing intricacy of Farsi and Japanese.

But with Deutschland im Jahre Null we are seeing a German-language film by an Italian director…sort of.

Italy has a very peculiar tradition concerning voiceovers and direct (or, conversely, indirect) sound. It is an oddity which caught the attention of Godard in his role as film historian.

I cannot give you as erudite an explanation as my hero Jean-Luc, but suffice it to say that foreign (non-Italian) films in Italy have traditionally been overdubbed into Italian. So, in other words, no subtitles.

This is distinct from an American viewer watching a Fellini film. The “American” version (whether on DVD or as a film print in a theater) will be in Italian with subtitles in English. This goes for almost all foreign-language (non-English) films marketed in the United States.

But getting back to Deutschland im Jahre Null… It is similar to the Danish director Carl Th. Dreyer directing the French film La Passion de Jeanne d’Arc…with one major difference. Dreyer’s film was a silent one (the only French being the intertitles). Rossellini’s Deutschland im Jahre Null is very much in German. We are hearing German actors speak (exclusively) German dialogue.

What is most interesting is the linguistic lineage of this film. In English, this film is known as:

Germany, Year Zero

Which is quite similar to Rossellini’s preceding masterpiece (in linguistic parallel):

Rome, Open City

To be fair, let’s consider the Italian name (the real name) of Rome, Open City: Roma città aperta. Fine. That is the way I recognize the film. The true name is (in my mind) Roma città aperta.

But with Deutschland im Jahre Null we come to a very strange case. If we do not recognize the primacy of its English title (Germany, Year Zero), and I do not, then we are directed by that great arbiter of cultural legitimacy Wikipedia to consider our options exhausted by being cognizant of the Italian title (Germania anno zero).

What is the message of this omission by English Wikipedia? I believe the message is that Germany was (and continues to be) a null. A zero. A conquered culture.

We see a similar thing in the kowtowing stereotype of conquered Japan. And though Japan might be experiencing some moderate-to-light financial troubles in recent years, Germany is by all accounts the economic powerhouse of continental Europe. Why do I bring economics into the discussion? Because wealthy nations are able to assert themselves.

But let us step back a bit. Wikipedia does have some tasty morsels of information concerning this film. If the source can be trusted, this 1948 film was not shown in Germany (the country from whence the language of the film takes its name) until 1952. After its single screening in München (Munich), it was not heard from again within those borders until it ran on German television in 1978.

Wow…26 years. Either this film was grossly misunderstood, or it was understood all too well. From my reading, this is a very pro-German document.

Rossellini was not George Stevens making concentration camp propaganda. Roberto was making art. The sign of art is the admission of possibilities. Art seduces us because it is subtle. Art does not proclaim in blanket statements. Art does not underestimate the intelligence of the viewer.

Roberto Rossellini did something with his “war films trilogy” which seems to have been unprecedented. The desire of neorealism was to film fiction as if it were documentary. This fiction would be, likewise, based on reality.

But why is it, then, that we have very different views of Roberto Rossellini and Robert Flaherty?

I will tell you my guess. Flaherty’s sin was in the framing of his presentation. To wit, he presented his staged documentaries (take the oil industry propaganda piece Louisiana Story for instance) as if they were naturally-occurring, spontaneous documentaries. The sin, then, was his duplicitous relationship with his subjects. He actively made his human subjects into actors.

Rossellini takes a different tack. There is no pretense that Deutschland im Jahre Null is an ACTUAL documentary. It merely has the feel of that medium. Likewise, Rossellini’s use of nonprofessional actors was likely more of a precursor to Robert Bresson than a twist on Flaherty’s bizarre formula (which predated Roberto in both Nanook of the North [1922] and Man of Aran [1934]). No, Rossellini had created something new.

It’s not so much the films of Flaherty to which I object as it is the idea of them. At least one of his concoctions (perhaps thanks to director F.W. Murnau) is very fine indeed: Tabu [1931]. Flaherty and Murnau co-wrote this ostensible documentary. Indeed, with Flaherty we come into contact with inchoate, obscure film genres such as docudrama, docufiction, fictional documentary (ethnofiction), etc. etc. etc.

Most importantly, none of what I have written here has even scratched the surface of Deutschland im Jahre Null. What ever became of the heartrending main child actor Edmund Moeschke? I do not know.

One thing is certain to me: no film before Rossellini’s “war trilogy” (Roma città aperta, Paisà, and Deutschland im Jahre Null) [1945/1946/1948] takes on such politically sensitive and important topics in such a raw way. The closest would be the socialism of Eisenstein or the humanism of Chaplin.

It is, therefore, no wonder at all that Rossellini spawned a million “new waves” the world over.

-PD

1 Comment

Ostře sledované vlaky [1966)

There is no precursor for this delicious film.

Closely watched trains…

There is no warning. No real foreshadowing of what awaits Miloš Hrma.

And I, of course, will not give away the game.

But let me tell you about this watershed moment in cinema.

You could say Czech New Wave. You could also say Czechoslovak New Wave.

In the case of the auteur in question, Jiří Menzel, it is the former.

The movement was already going by this point.

1966. Almost the midpoint, if we say 1962-1972.

But none of that matters too much.

What matters is this film.

Closely Watched Trains. Ostře sledované vlaky.

And so we started with Romania. A new wave. A current phenomenon. Briefly in vogue. And completely deserving of the praise.

And we made a point to look elsewhere. To Iran. Because of Kiarostami.

And now we add a much older New Wave. It is of particular interest to our first location (Romania).

In globetrotting through movies we hit some odd, beautiful destinations. Nations.

Czechoslovakia. No more. Today. Czech Republic. Slovakia. And Ukraine.

But none of this matters much either.

What matters is Miloš Hrma. The shy boy.

We know.

Intimately.

Not easy.

If the meek shall inherit the earth (Earth?), then it’s a long time in coming.

I am fond. Quoting Neil Young.

“Vampire Blues”

“Good times are coming/But they sure coming slow”

Indeed.

That is the situation of Václav Neckář’s character Miloš.

He has the delight of love. Snow in the air. Smoke from a steam locomotive. A cloud of fleeting sparks.

Our heart beats rapidly for cute Jitka Bendová. And we think of football. We try to ignore the Bond girl essence of her name.

Because she is one of the most poetic faces in cinema. No Wikipedia page for her. At least not in English.

But it is this love between Miloš and Máša which gives us hope.

An adieu from the caboose (football, football).

No doubt Wes Anderson plumbed the depths of Closely Watched Trains while searching for his own cinematic language.

In fact, the beginning of this film is very much like the beginning of every Wes Anderson film.

An exposition of characters.

Some with peg-legs.

An old crazy uncle.

A cow with too many udders.

But the most crucial is the hypnotist.

If there is a precursor to Jiří Menzel (and there must be), then it is Renoir. Renoir meets Eisenstein. And sex.

Did I fail to mention?

Closely Watched Trains is a sexual tension which can no longer be crystalized.

And thus history served us well by preserving this document of a different age.

It is a naughty film, but not by today’s standards.

It is sex…as directed by Hitchcock.

And for that it is sexier. More tense. Taut.

Consider, for instance, the stamps. Ooh la la.

If you go ga-ga for Gyllenhaal in Secretary, then you must see the breakthrough moment. In cinema.

Like the first kiss. May Irwin. Thomas Edison. But actually William Heise. 1896.

Big black maria. Something/Anything?

Yes, in fact.

First, and most importantly, the telegraphist (as played by Jitka Zelenohorská). Almost like Chantal Goya in Masculin Féminin, but better. Same year. 1966. Maybe Menzel got an idea from Godard. In any case, Zelenohorská gives one for the ages. Deliciously naughty.

And lest you run off feeling less-than-substantive edification, it is political as anything. That’s where Eisenstein comes in. A brief moment of cinematic intercutting.

And the war. Like Les Carabiniers. 1963. The Rossellini inspiration via Godard, perhaps?

But really it is a new cinema. Czech! Mind-blowing…

Sex is more erotic with a laugh. Surreal. Real. More real than real.

In a stunning final coup Menzel brought us Naďa Urbánková.

One minute you’re thinking about a girl, another you’ve been rounded up by the state security apparatus.

And then they realize you’re nuts.

And they have pity on you.

Release you into the swaying grass.

And like Chaplin you waltz off into the sunset to fulfill your destiny.

What a film!

-PD

4 Comments

Cine-tracts [1968)

A beginning, middle, and end. Not necessarily in that order.

I skipped ahead because I forgot about the Internet.

I disappeared.

And now to write on the sad, hopeful history of change.

To write about the slums of Paris. There will be slums.

I am not making much sense unless you have read me before.

I can assure you that it is not a put-on.

No, I cannot string together two sentences.

Does that make me stupid?

Of course not.

It’s negotiable. Relative. Subjective [ahh…].

This, then, is a film review. All articles on this site take advantage of this form in one way or another.

Adherence is a matter of self-calibration.

I have found the form for me. Which is to say, it depends on the film.

And so what is Cine-tracts?

Try the purge function. Check the deletion log.

Not a very straightforward answer.

Well, these were some short, silent films made by various directors in response to the events of May 1968 in Paris.

The reason I didn’t review this “film” earlier is that I forgot to check the ether for free content.

It’s a bit dodgy. You never quite know what you’re getting.

On any account, I found about 75 minutes of these cine-tracts and watched the whole, soundless lot.

Jean-Luc Godard’s touch was apparent. Whether or not Jean-Pierre Gorin was involved at this early stage, I am too lazy to check. Chris Marker is said to have participated. That certainly seems plausible given that the mode of creation involves still photos rather than moving pictures.

Ah, but the pictures do move. Or rather, the camera’s motion creates an illusion that the still pictures are moving. Indeed, their relationship to the camera is changing. Distance. Perspective. Renaissance. Light. Shadow.

These cine-tracts play like what they likely were: short, encouraging films for the students and workers who were rebelling against the times.

There are some ingenious directorial devices here and there, but generally the message (both literal and symbolic) takes precedence over imagination and invention. To be sure, the filmmakers involved were politically engaged and apparently zealous in their dedication.

And so now it is hard to recall that Spring of ’68. I was not there. I have tried to put myself there. Because many important currents converge in Paris 1968.

Is it inappropriate to called Cine-tracts a Godard film? Perhaps. But the opposite end of the spectrum would deprive us of this diary-like glimpse into the auteur’s mind. You want to understand Adieu au langage? Start here. Or continue here. Even end here.

There is no shame in being poor. Scarcity has made it difficult. A small concern. Not definitively growing.

The key to understanding Cine-tracts is to be found in everyday life. Poor, sad routine. Run-down dross of capitalism. The ass of capitalism looks strikingly like the ass of communism.

Donkey. Camel. BMW.

Yes, the world markets are sensitive to bullshit. And each magnified ramification comes home to the poor Joe. Average Joe. And Jane.

Joe and John Doe and Jane Smith can’t seem to escape the high school algebra problem in which they are frozen like insects.

Joe Schmoe. A very prestigious family.

And therein lies the problem. A bunch of nobodies. All they can offer is a peach. Or a glass of water. Or a near-worthless coin.

There’s no movement to join. Will you start a movement? In real politics (not the pap which passes for such in the houses of congresses) the only victory is death. Man does not want to hear an uncomfortable message. Your type has already, long ago, been profiled. You don’t fit in this world. There is no future for you. As even Orwell seemed to intimate in 1984, a Winston Smith who lives must compromise.

And so what happened to Godard? What happened to the fire of May 1968–that zeal which seemed inextinguishable? What happened to the hippies? What happened to the revolutionary socialists of the ’60s? Did they merely switch drugs?

To conflate the participants of May 1968 in Paris with American hippies is problematic. Are there similarities and commonalities? Sure! But the cultural backgrounds of the two groups were quite different. This difference persists. France and the U.S.A. are further than opposite sides of a common coin.

From the standpoint of language, I am probably more qualified to comment on American hippies (though I am much too young to have first-hand knowledge). A gross simplification would seem to indicate that the idealism of the American counter-culture gave way to a nihilism (and finally to assimilation and general diametric abandonment of youthful principles).

But history is always open. That spark…that archetype of socialism…that magical motif can be applied to any political movement…in that history may be all but written, yet it is never more than a pathetic extension of the actuarial tables. The only insurance of life is to live while alive.

-PD

7 Comments

paulydeathwish

cinema dossier

Tag Archives: political