How to Lose Friends and Alienate People [2008)

This film is squeaky clean.

Antiseptic.

And that is not a compliment.

It is waste of great actors (and a decent story).

Jeff Bridges is good.

Great talent.

Excellent contribution here.

He plays what must certainly be a backhanded homage to Graydon Carter of Vanity Fair.

A magazine I used to read.

Dreaming of entering that glitzy world where my idol Nick Tosches wrote.

All is, in fact, vacuous in such a world (as this movie plainly shows).

Which brings us to me.

And this.

Dossier du cinema.

Pauly Deathwish.

I am almost done.

Being an addict.

Being a basket case.

Almost done.

Almost.

Maybe tomorrow?

Kirsten Dunst has great breasts.

Linchpin.

Melancholia.

Poor men love breasts (as it turns out).

Danny Huston falls like the last laugh of Murnau.

Wiping the shitter.

Riches to rags.

Saudi Arabia.

Gillian Anderson plays the villain here (of sorts).

Megan Fox is boring.

Skinny woman are, in general, unattractive.

Real.

Be real.

Keep it real.

Restecp.

White Russian as bridging mechanism.

Ms. Lebowski.

R. D. Laing.

Lord Byron.

The only cinematography is when Dracula is depressed.

I’ve been blessed (?) with a complete lack of suckcess in my lifetime.

Good bit with La Dolce Vita.

Reminiscent of the open-air movie in Cinema Paradiso.

This film could have been a lot better.

Simon Pegg is an all-world talent.

This kind of tripe is beneath his abilities.

 

-PD

Kill Me Three Times [2014)

Mediocre film.

For those keeping score at home, let me fill you in.

Simon Pegg is perhaps the most talented actor working these days.

Here’s the films of his which I know to be masterpieces:

Shaun of the Dead

Hot Fuzz

The World’s End

Yes, that’s right:  the Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy.

It really is that good.

One might not think such possible.

But it is the case.

Close, but not quite up to that level is:

Paul

Another notch down (though it is very inventive):

A Fantastic Fear of Everything

In some ways, I want to put those last two I mentioned on the same level, but Paul features Nick Frost as well.  It’s just too hard to beat.

All said, that’s FIVE essential films starring one actor.

Granted, Frost is in four of those.

Which brings us to this “other” part of Pegg’s oeuvre.

A Fantastic Fear of Everything proves that Pegg can do it without Frost, but there are some bone fide clunkers in Pegg’s oeuvre as well.

Terminal is mediocre.

Worth watching, but mediocre.

And, sadly, I would say the same about Kill Me Three Times.

On a positive note, Pegg is MUCH better in this film than he is in Terminal.

Mostly it’s because he’s allowed to act.

Allowed to bask in the spotlight.

But Kill Me Three Times has many problems (which take away from Pegg’s performance).

Let’s break it down.

The Oldsmobile Toronado with Western Australia plates is a nice touch.

Metallic puke green.

And Pegg with a nice Grinderman ‘stache.

You might be ahead of me.

Indeed, one of the problems from which Kill Me Three Times suffers is an over-adoration of Quentin Tarantino.

The mustachioed hitman is by now a trite trope.

There can be only one Pulp Fiction.

[itself merely a good (not great) movie]

While the story is not entirely original, I would like to congratulate writer James McFarland for doing what director Kriv Stenders did not:

create art.

There is some art (not much) in McFarland’s script.

Conversely, there is no art in Stender’s film.

No thought.

No inspiration.

[and, one would think by looking at it, no cinematographer]

A very uninspired directorial effort.

Now.

You might be wondering why I am so bitter.

BECAUSE I BOUGHT THIS MOVIE!

I don’t have the money to throw away on such a piece of shit.

That, and it’s an affront to those of us who create in spite of severe monetary limitations.

Perhaps the only inspired shots involve the security camera footage in the microwave on the pizza setting.

A good bit, that.

Good special effects here.

Realistic-looking deaths abound.

The ending is good.

Kinda funny.

In an Aussie way.

It’s a shame this film couldn’t have been made better.

The script was fine.

The actors were plenty talented.

It is just such a BLAND mise-en-scène.

Luke Hemsworth is pretty good here.

But the only thing that kept this watchable (aside from Pegg) is Teresa Palmer.

I thought director Stenders might deliver a truly-artful moment…finally…at the end…in the shower scene.

I was wrong.

 

-PD

Terminal [2018)

Homage, or ripoff?

Pulp Fiction.

Vince (Dexter Fletcher).

A better actor than Travolta, perhaps.

But still…

The Usual Suspects.

Mike Myers stands in for Kevin Spacey.

But let’s talk about the upside.

This film started slow.

Boring.

Trite.

But it got better.

Indeed, it resurfaced and landed at mediocre.

Much better than I initially thought was possible.

Simon Pegg is a bit hamstrung here.

Shame, that.

Sin City.

The néo-noir is not very original.

But the color does it justice.

Better than hackneyed black and white.

Super-vivid black and white.

Here, more like Blade Runner (1982).

Margot Robbie is pretty good here.

And yet, the end is more ripoff.

Kill Bill.

Nurse.

Whistling.

Bernard Herrmann.

Standing in for Daryl Hannah.

I guess Margot Robbie is famous or something…

Harley Quinn.

Seems she is already typecast.

Self-parody.

Pigeonholed.

Quite a lot of QAnon here, what?

Q in a heart.

La Lapine Blanche (follow the white rabbit).

Lewis Carroll.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

Bob Dylan.

Adele.

Down the rabbit hole.

A trail of crumbs.

Clues.

Mystery.

Theatrical.

Hard Candy.

End.

Skyfall.

Modigliani.

NSA.

Marionettes.

I’m usually bewitched by the broads, but it’s the gents who rule here.

And not the ones you’d think.

The best part of this film is the acting of Max Irons and Dexter Fletcher.

Fletcher is pithy.

Splenetic.

Irons is naive.

Real.

Sure, there is a plot twist, but the lobotomy is in extremely poor taste.

And another ripoff.

Spectre.

Myers is good.

Robbie is good.

Pegg is good.

 

-PD

Burke and Hare [2010)

Bad movie.

Very bad.

Scotland.

Pegg bad accent.

William Burke.

William Hare.

Murderers.

This film is about as painful.

Would imagine.

Murdering cinema.

A crime!

Maybe not bad accent.

Irish.

In Scotland.

Boring…

Jessica Hynes.

“SHAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!”

auauauauauauauaua

She’s alright.

Bad editing.

Bad writing.

BAD direction from good John Landis!!!

Bad acting from great Simon Pegg!

Isla Fisher.

Not bad.

Sacha Baron Cohen’s wife.

aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiight!

Ugh, Macbeth.

All-female version.

Edinburgh.

Great on paper–shite on film!

 

-PD

A Fantastic Fear of Everything [2012)

I found this one difficult to watch.

Multiple attempts.

I’m still alive.

Lon-don.

Tell them I’ll call them back.

Hackney.

Hacked.

Hanoi.

Humbert Humbert.

This is a rather inventive film.

Insular.

Wrapped up in web mind.

Cobwebs.

Webby.

Super glues a knife to his hand!

For fuck’s sake!!!

That’s when it started to get good.

But God knows how long it took me to survive the punishing beginning.

Boredom.

My Beautiful Laundrette.

[sic]

Working Title Films.

Jackpot!

Bean, Lebowski, Ali G., Johnny English, Shaun, Fuzz, Paul, World’s End, Grimsby, Saoirse Scots…

These are my films.

The auteurs of comedy.

Bona fide.

The twins.

And the muse.

My journey through addiction.

Knowing you’re an addict.

And not a patient on medicine.

Step 1.

Can I recapture?

Which way?

What???

Scissorhand.

Shatterhand.

Forgot the soap.

An opera.

Slow-motion underwear.

Soiled with blood.

Dust.

Attic.

Beautiful curry.

Had burned off the hair on one side of his head.

Scrotum.

FaTE.

Very much like lovely bones.

Hatch.

Soft bulletin.

Swung open.

Brochure.

Kiss to remove my gag.

Little ‘Nam.

Indeed.

Martin Rev suicides the wrap arounds from Wal-Mart.

Blinking LEDs chasing across the brow.

Creepy as fuck!

But bathos.

Bathetic.

Maudlin.

Yet in the mold of Frank Giustra (suing Twitter for comments I and others made).

Free speech, mate.

Yes, you have a psychopathic vibe.

It is my human right to state so.

Fuck Canada!

Hackneyed serial killer.

Trite.

Headbutt dog and duck.

Scotch egg.

1001 nights…

The star here (besides our subject of study, Simon Pegg) is the beautiful Amara Karan.

Breathtaking!

Sri Lanka.

Bikini.

Atoll.

Darjeeling.

Investment banker (!):  M&As.

Get the fuck out!

Oxford,

not a terminal degree, but quite academic for iTunes fare.

Pegg’s least-purchased movie (it appears).

But really a fine job by Crispian Mills (Kula Shaker, wot?!?) and Chris Hopewell.

 

-PD

The World’s End [2013)

Simon Pegg is a genius.

And so is Nick Frost.

So I must start secondly by saying, “Disregard my reviews of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz.

I didn’t get it.

The style.

You must read an auteur in their language.

If the language is unintelligible, you can’t read them.

Now I get it [marginally].

And I love it.

This film is a masterpiece.

A deeply-flawed masterpiece (in the grand scheme of things).

But these two blokes come shining through.

Pegg and Frost.

I first encountered them in the film Paul.

I really liked them.

That film is much less of the gore.

Not part of the “Cornetto trilogy” (yes, the ice-cream cone).

But I would encourage all who can to grab a box of Drumsticks (if Cornettos be not available) and delve into this oeuvre.

I almost didn’t make it through The World’s End.

I had almost had my fill of this “comedy horror”.

But the dialogue did it.

Specifically, the scene where Pegg get the “lamp” to fuck off.

Brilliant dialogue.

These films are just funny as fuck.

And the characters are lovable.

Pegg and Frost have a great chemistry.

You know, there have been several times in my life where I’ve encountered a creation that I at first hated, and then subsequently went on to love.

One was the first Grinderman album.

It was so hyped.

Overhyped.

There’s no way it could live up to the critical accolades that I had been smothered with before hearing it.

I made it a few tracks in and gave up.

Overrated.

Waste of money.

But then I came back to it.

Gave it a second chance.

And it blossomed.

It spoke to me.

And so I would like to thank Simon Pegg and Nick Frost (and director Edgar Wright) for making such enduring creations (though they be in the guise of vacuous shite).

It takes a lot of courage to foist upon the world something as bold as the Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy.

I am glad I “got it” before I chunked the whole thing in the dustbin.

Just barely.

 

-PD

Hot Fuzz [2007)

Better than Paul in many ways, but also irritating.

Hot Fuzz is a great film ruined by a second half steeped in “comedy horror”.

While the gore isn’t as disturbing as that in American Psycho [a film which really relishes its own sick perversity], it’s still unnecessary.

In what kind of age and societies do we live where such trivialization of bloodshed is embraced as “funny”?

Perhaps it’s some social scourge that as popped up as a byproduct of the War “on” Terror.

Nevertheless, it is a filmmaking trend which is as trite as it is disgusting.

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are plenty talented without such puerile Ed Gein fantasies.

 

-PD