It’s been a long time.
And a rough time.
Cousin died of a heart attack.
Freaked me the fuck out.
I was sick for two months.
Had to start taking heart medicine.
Thought I could sleep it off.
But, more so, overwhelming fear.
My cousin went at age 43.
Like a thief in the night.
And here I am sittin’ at age 40.
Jesus has happened to me.
A funny thing happened on the way to my mid-life crisis…
Sure 🙂 Whatever…
Doesn’t matter what you call it.
Just matters that grieving can fuck you up.
Our minds are fragile.
And I am not used to death.
I am not a hardened individual.
I have seen a lot of things.
But I haven’t seen a lot of death.
So my cousin’s death fucked me up.
But I’m back.
And I’m getting better than ever.
Which brings us to this film: The Big Lebowski.
You know, I used to be such a snobby prick.
Probably still am in some people’s eyes.
But believe me: life has brought me low.
And so I say prayers…all the time…for anyone I’ve ever hurt.
Anyone I’ve ever insulted.
Karma follow us.
And thus the East-West divide of The Big Lebowski.
Cowboys as Confucians.
My cousin was a cowboy.
Big, Copenhagen-dipping hoss!
I miss that motherfucker.
Shit, I miss Copenhagen 🙂
The city and the tobacco…
Well, at least Denmark.
Never been to København.
My new readers (if I have any) might be wondering, “Does he have to curse so much?”
I’m working on it.
I don’t know how to be me.
I love God.
I believe in Jesus.
And I drop f-bombs everywhere…when I write.
Let me explain: Pauly Deathwish is a persona.
It’s me, to a certain extent.
But it’s also the badass (failed) musician who toured the world in Young Heart Attack (yes, you read right) and Lost Bayou Ramblers.
I am that guy.
And I am getting back to music.
After 2 1/2 torturous years in business school.
Now I have a BM and an MBA.
[bachelor’s of music is the first one…in case you were wondering]
The Big Lebowski.
Is a masterpiece.
This is The Beatles’ of films.
Everyone loves it.
And should love it.
Film snobs will scoff at it (as I once did).
But I have seen the error of my ways.
Life is too fucking hard to forego a laugh.
I needed this film tonight.
I needed John Goodman.
I needed Jeff Bridges.
And I needed les frères Coen 🙂
Being a snob is a hard habit to break.
Critic is just another word for snob.
And cursing is really hard to quit…once you’re balls-deep.
“What the fuck are you talking about…man?”
The exception that PROVES the rule?
I don’t know.
Etymology has shifted.
Words have taken on their opposite meanings.
Much stranger than dialectics.
Defined by opposition.
No, that is much simpler.
Yin and yang.
But language is slippery.
And, so, do not fear…dear friends.
I am back.
I am scared as shit.
But here I am, writing my ass off.
Trying to bring you some glimmer of REAL in this world of fake.
That is the whole point.
We are searching for those treasures…
We want to keep our best moments.
We love vérité.
I owe to Jesus my salvation.
I am a sinner.
No better than any other man or woman.
I have a long road to walk (God willing)…to get back to the godliness I once knew.
But the point is simple: all glory to God!
It is not my doing.
I am saved by the grace of the Lord.
This may sound like psychobabble.
That is fine 🙂
Don’t worry about a thing, my friends.
Love one another. And seek God.
God is love.
I hope to bring you many more film reviews.
I praise God for this opportunity to share my writing with you.
Thank you for reading.
God bless you.
I love you all.
Ok I am glad you are back I kind of miss those reviews of yours. My cousin died a year ago of lung cancer and she was not even smoking ever and to top it all off she was eating healthy as hell all organic food for years. I do not understand this one. Plus I am watching CNN here in France I have many friends in Tampa and a hell of a hurricane is coming towards Tampa. The thing is life is trying to tell you something and we are not listening. Soon I am going to to get my dream job if I can you only live once. Live life to the fullest. I am sorry about your cousin
Hi, Dude 🙂 Thank you! I missed you too. Sorry I have not kept up with your great blog 😦 I hope you are doing ok!!! –Paul
Paul, so good to see you here!!! I missed your reviews too. You know what is funny, about a week ago I had a strong urge to watch the Big Lebowski again, for some unknown reason, so it is nice to see it reviewed here. My dear cousin whom I raised from a baby in diapers passed away at age 23…. May us all enjoy whatever we are given here.
With much love to you,
Thank you, Kristina! I really appreciate that. –Paul
this one reminds me of American Splendor