Take Me Somewhere Nice [2019)

Sara Luna Zorić.

The world is fucked up.

For two years we fought against medical tyranny.

We fought against killer vaccines.

And suddenly the narrative changed.

Completely.

The plandemic/scamdemic wiped out.

Like chalk off a blackboard.

This is a flawed masterpiece.

Like the dent in Sara Luna Zorić’s forehead.

This film is a masterpiece.

This film is an utter masterpiece.

And it is carried by Sara Luna Zorić’s breasts.

And legs.

And scowl.

And sadness.

And dented forehead.

This film is a masterpiece.

It ends like Pierrot le fou, in some ways.

It ends like Contempt.

It ends like Ghost World.

So can I be in love with Sara Luna Zorić now?

Yes.

Because the world is shit.

We must pick sides.

I pick Russia.

Fuck Ukraine.

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There is not a more propagandistic website on Earth than Drudge Report.

Screen Shot 2022-03-05 at 4.32.23 AM

Do you know what propaganda looks like?

“Putin doesn’t want his people to see images of the war.”

“Russian Air Force incapable of complex military operations (invasion failing).”

“Zelensky is the reincarnation of Rasputin.”

“Russian soldiers raping Ukrainian women.”

“Russia [who secured both Chernobyl and Zaporizhzhia] are nuclear ‘terrorists'”. [For securing the facilities. All while the facilities are undamaged and not showing a rise in radiation leakage.]

“Russia is planning public executions.”

Might as well throw in some chestnut like “Russia shish-kebabbing Ukrainian infants on bayonets”.

Do you see where this is going?

“Two more top Russian commanders kiled.”

DO YOU BELIEVE ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT???

The same media that lied to you for two years about COVID and masks and vaccines and lab leaks now wants you to TRUST THEM and #StandWithUkraine .

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK THAT!

What are the possibilities that Putin is beholden to Klaus Schwab?

I’d say 1%.

What is the possibility that Putin is doing the right thing.

I’d say 99%.

But the only problem is this: it completely overshadows the exceedingly-successful “freedom convoys” of truckers and also makes it impossible for any news about COVID duplicity to make it on any mainstream news.

So the timing is, one may see, unfortunate.

The whole COVID narrative was rapidly collapsing.

The virus was burning out with Omicron.

Serious, serious questions about impropriety from Moderna and Pfizer were arising.

And they CONTINUE to arise.

But you won’t hear about them.

The Ukraine war is like a giant school shooting.

This will be THE ONLY STORY in the news for months.

Perhaps years.

There are two reasons that people do things.

The “good” reason and the real reason.

Why did Putin invade Ukraine?

Because Zelensky announced 11 months ago that his intention was to retake Crimea by force.

And why else did Putin invade?

Because Zelensky announced seven months ago that Ukraine’s desire and intention was to join NATO.

Any other possible reasons?

Zbigniew Brzezinski called Ukraine the “bread basket” of the former Soviet Union.

What is the only thing which could rival oil right now in terms of astronomical inflation and actual scarcity?

Food.

Wheat.

Food security.

Putin may be securing this bread basket for Russia.

And I don’t blame him.

But let’s look at some attack scenarios.

Ukraine –> Moldova.

No NATO territory crossed.

Finland –> Sweden.

No NATO territory crossed.

Azerbaijan/Georgia (or vice versa) –> Armenia –> Iran (joins Russian Federation?) –> Iraq –> Syria (joins Russian Federation?)

No NATO territory crossed.

Monaco invasion.

And finally:

Bosnia and Herzegovina –> Serbia –> Kosovo.

I save this one for last because it is the most germane to our film.

This film’s action largely takes place in Bosnia.

Language: Bosnian.

Invasion from the sea.

Order of battle as above.

If you like Romanian New Wave, you will love Take Me Somewhere Nice.

I cannot understate the importance of this film.

Ena Sendijarević did a phenomenal job directing this.

Shades of Kiarostami.

Sonic Youth.

Tu dors Nicole.

Taste of Cherry.

This is dark humor.

But there is no punchline.

That’s how dark it is.

Dark, deadpan humor.

Dark absurdity.

Banality.

Warts and all.

Balkans.

The forgotten parts of Europe.

Where it is a curse to grow up.

I always pray for the children and the elderly of Ukraine.

And the fucking Ukrainian morons who didn’t get involved in politics and prevent corrupt Joe Biden from becoming the U.S. President.

They bear some blame.

But we do not want civilian casualties.

Putin asked the Ukrainian military to overthrow Zelensky.

They have been very foolish to not heed Putin’s suggestion.

And Mark Milley was indeed at the Ukrainian border with 15+ wide-body planes full of Javelins and Stingers.

How exceedingly-foolish.

Russia has been unequivocal: provide weapons to Ukraine which are used against our troops and we will consider this an act of war.

Milley’s panties were wedged in his vagina over the “white rage” of Jan6, but here he is personally handing out missiles to Ukraine.

Why?

We have no defense treaty with Ukraine.

Our Congress has not declared war on Russia.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?

It’s the same faggots: Mark Milley, Lloyd Austin, Michael Gilday, Bishop Garrison…

The military is not coming to save us.

And Trump became a moron ever since he uttered the words “I got the Pfizer”.

Putin is the best leader in the world.

And this film is magnificent.

-PD

Tu dors Nicole [2014)

Here is filmic perfection.

God damn!

Fucking hell!

Excuse my Tourette’s outburst.

But it’s like a geyser.

Because this film really, really (REALLY) got me!

[the boy who cries wolf must get ever more creative]

Wolf!

A big, bad, beautiful wolf here…

I had no idea coming into this film–what I was getting into.

No idea about country of origin.

Or province.

No idea about actors or director.

No idea about language.

Or subtitles.

Just the least thumbnail sketch of plot.

But other than that.

Nothing.

Rien.

In French it’s shorter.

Nothing is even less of a thing in French.

By three letters.

An economy of means.

And that serves as as good a point as any (whew!) at which (yikes!) to start talking about this MASTERPIECE MASTERPIECE MASTERPIECE.

Because I don’t have to get drunk.

I don’t drink.

I don’t have to get high.

I only take my boring medications.

As prescribed.

But you know what really lights my fuse?

Cinema.

And love.

And love when it is cinematic.

And hope.

Optimism.

The hope of love.

The promise of love (however distant the possibility) when it is expressed cinematically.

In a film I feel like I’m the only one watching.

So i must first [sic] thank the universe for Julianne Côté.

As Borat would say, wah-wah-way-woe!

For nerds like me.

That little in-between haircut.

But fuck it…

Hair doesn’t matter.

It’s soul.

It’s shining through.

Ms. Côté is a very attractive girl.

But not in the meretricious sense.

That is left to the less-than-sterling character played by Catherine St-Laurent (who’s also great in this film).

Every film needs a villain.

Frenemies!

As the singularly-poetic Liam Gallagher once penned (and sang):

“You could be my enemy/I guess there’s still time”

Yeah…

But we need to get back to Julianne Côté.

Because she changed my DNA with this film.

She wrecked me (as Tom Petty might have said).

She took my soul and balled it up like dough and made gingerbread men out of it.

[ok, that’s stretching it…]

Because Catherine St-Laurent is the magazine cover girl.

It’s no accident we see her in a bikini…poolside.

But Ms.Côté just floats on the foam spaghetti.

Submersed.

Weightless.

Her face as beautiful…as the moon.

I MUST STOP HERE TO SAY THAT A GOOD MANY OF MY MORE SUBLIME THOUGHTS JUST DISAPPEARED DUE TO SOME COMPUTER GLITCH

And it is only appropriate.

As Nicole’s life is a grand series of fuck-ups and almosts.

Yes, thanks a fucking lot, WordPress.

And Apple.

You jerks.

Ten minutes of writing down the drain.

Ok, so the milk is spilt.

How to get back on track?

I don’t know where I was.

I spun my loveliest sentences.

Turned my most gossamer phrases.

And hit “Save” ever fucking second.

But it didn’t matter.

So we will go to tech metaphor.

Always fall in love with the typewriter.

Even the electric typewriter (like Histoire(s) du cinéma).

And give Microsoft no quarter.

Granted.

They are, for once, innocent.

The answer is.

There is no getting back.

Not some Thomas Wolfe trip.

But simply to say that nothing I can write will sum up the brilliance of Stéphane Lafleur’s direction.

I am exercising zero hyperbole when I say that THIS IS A PERFECT FILM.

And nothing will ever sum up my admiration (yes, love) for Julianne Côté’s performance.

Nay, for her.

Let’s quote Elton John…

“Someone saved my life tonight…”

Yeah!

Thank you, Julianne!

I will just say Julianne from now on…because my computer doesn’t like diacritical marks 🙂

I’ll say it again a few times.

Tu dors Nicole has changed my perception of film.

Of cinema.

Of what a movie can be.

It’s that good!

It’s that important!

I can’t believe what I just saw… […]

-PD