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Lady Bird [2017)

This may be the worst film I’ve ever “seen”.

The first five minutes of it.

It’s that bad.

I already knew that Greta Gerwig had no talent.

But I tried to ignore that.

For the sake of the amazing Saoirse Ronan.

But it’s no use.

Gerwig is so atrocious that she even drags Ronan down.

Ronan sucks here.

This is a dire film.

I paid an arm and a leg to BUY this movie.

That’s how much faith I had in Saoirse.

When we see a film, we want it to make sense within its own confines.

Jodorowsky makes sense in that he doesn’t make sense (in Holy Mountain, for example).

Godard makes very little sense in Week-end.

And that too, in its own way, makes sense.

The Romanian New Wave seduces us with what we can only imagine to be a sort of pithiness which must have imbued early Rossellini.

Real life.



We are stunned that ACTORS (they are, after all, acting) can IMITATE LIFE (so accurately!).

And so Anamaria Marinca is a goddess in 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days and Cristian Mungiu a true auteur.

Buy Lady Bird does none of this well.

Lady Bird only makes sense as a shit film…in the context of a shit film.

This flick deserves to go straight into the cutout bin.

Never mind all the hype around this one.

This is some watery American Beauty fare.

And Saoirse Ronan fails to capture the élan of a Thora Birch.

Nay, not even the panache of a Christina Ricci circa Pumpkin can be mustered.

I fear that Lady Bird would try to fuse Ghost World and John Hughes films into one ball of wax.

But Greta Gerwig forgot to turn the oven on.

This is like an undercooked cake.

What is the worst part of Lady Bird?

The script.

What is the second-worst part?

The directing.

Gerwig’s mise-en-scène is so clunky that her actors don’t stand a chance.

Which leaves poor Saoirse Ronan.

My favorite working actress.

[well, I hear Birch is working again as well…]

This is really a disappointing outcome.

Sam Levy’s cinematography also misses the mark.

Perhaps the goal was Sofian El Fani’s great work from Blue is the Warmest Color.

Too bad.

WAY off!

Everything about Lady Bird sucks.



And, ugh…the melodramatic script.


Oscar my ass 🙂



2 responses to “Lady Bird [2017)

  1. Ok then. I am going to see it next week we’ll see how it goes.

  2. Welcome back to WordPress, Paul.

    I wonder why Lady Bird is getting such great reviews. Does it have a liberal progressive theme?

    Who wins the Oscars doesn’t interest me as much anymore. It’s like the accuracy of a political poll where a majority of the respondents are Democrats.

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