That was a long time not to write 🙂
But here I am.
And we start a new series.
[in the tradition of auto-criticism]
I’m not a very good film critic.
Because I started late.
And I’ve had to “catch up” so much.
But it would be at the expense of other words if I specified “amateur film critic” on my calling card.
I’m a nothing.
But God loves me 🙂
Not because I do great stuff.
I do a lot of crappy stuff.
You know, I really don’t have any friends in my city.
But I have my family.
And this is a blessing from God for which I am ever grateful.
And so it’s like going back to the gym.
When you lay off for months.
But I gotta write.
And so we start this new series.
We start with optimism.
Every day to get better.
To be humble before God.
But to be strong.
God does not want us to be limp noodles.
When a Christian goes to war, he cannot say, “Pardon me, sir, but I must now kill you.”
It doesn’t work that way 🙂
You just gotta chop the guy’s fuckin’ head off.
Or waste him with your automatic rifle.
You know…there’s no war in the New Testament.
Jesus gets to be pretty lovey-dovey about everything.
He’s like Buddha.
He’s a philosopher.
He tells stories.
He and the disciples, they just walk around a bunch.
Sometimes he walks on water.
Sometimes he makes fish and bread multiply.
So basically, Jesus is a surrealist.
He does these awesome miracles 🙂
Like a superhero.
But the war is in the Old Testament.
When God, for some reason, had “chosen” a certain people.
I don’t know why.
Why would God do that?
Didn’t God make everybody?
There are most certainly wars in the Old Testament.
And God gets pissed off a lot 🙂
God wants to be worshipped to the exclusion of other gods.
This is a big mystery.
But what do we do as people?
Do we take the Bertrand Russell course and say that God doesn’t exist?
Well, not me.
I take the Olivier Messiaen course.
I believe in God.
And I believe in Jesus.
I don’t know why. Or how.
But it is my faith.
I don’t wish to chop anyone’s head off because of it 🙂
Fortunately, as I said, Jesus is sort of a hippie…
He’s almost like the “stoned” dude of prophets 🙂
But Jesus was fully God.
Meaning, Jesus was like this shell…this body…and mind (and soul?)…and God divided himself into three parts.
So the ratio of Jesus to God is 1:3.
Or is it 1:2?
It gets confusing.
Because Jesus never stopped being God.
But God has other forms besides just Jesus.
God the Father 🙂
I think of him as the old man of the mountains…
A big white-bearded God in the clouds.
Always looking down.
And always here for us.
And then there’s the Holy Spirit:
God’s third form.
I like to think of the Holy Spirit as a sort of wind.
Maybe it’s the way God gets things done?
His kinetic aspect 🙂
And so, together, we call these the Trinity.
And then we come to the eternal question:
what does this have to do with film?
Because I am first-of-all human.
I have anxiety.
I have insomnia.
I have asthma.
I have high cholesterol.
Yeah…an endless fucking list of maladies 🙂
But I praise God!
Because I can get up in…the late afternoon.
And I have food.
And I have the love of my family.
But I have to create value.
And so I love.
But I also fall short.
Not having friends makes it very difficult for me.
But I press on.
Study legal philosophy.
Study the phone book 🙂
I’m a little like Rain Man.
I love to read 🙂
And I praise God for the opportunity to get healthy.
It’s very important.
To ward off depression and anxiety.
I don’t get depression much.
I just get double the anxiety 🙂
But the health can take a long time.
And so it’s like quitting tobacco.
Or maybe like quitting drinking.
To rectify one’s sleep.
And to regulate one’s medicines.
To overcome anxiety like What About Bob 🙂
A minute here. An hour there.
That’s how you build muscle.
But get proper rest.
And that’s how you train the mind.
When you are old.
And still trying to find your place in the world.
You don’t give up!
You do a little every day.
Take seriously your studies.
Maybe you will never be a doctor or a lawyer or a rock star.
But you practice!
You take that opportunity, if it’s there, to improve.
Build your knowledge.
Block by block.
For me, math is hard.
But I do it.
And words come easier.
But logic is the marriage of words and math.
So I have to be very methodical.
Let my synesthesia work for me 🙂
Sufficient –> Necessary
Trigger –> Result
And negating negation.
Or –> And.
And vice versa.
I honestly have not felt like watching a film in a long time.
Because every day I must create value.
I don’t have the stamina I desire.
But we build on aerobic exercise.
Build the muscles.
Knock the cobwebs out.
Get in a good regimen.
I call myself a film critic.
Because there is a blank waiting to be filled 🙂
Music didn’t need me anymore.
I needed music.
But I heeded, to the best of my ability, the call of God.
To care for family.
And, in turn, receive the most divine care.
I pray I can return to this divine gift from God.
But for now, I tread on.
Try not to mess up too much.
Try not to make tasteless jokes.
And try to coexist in a world that is fucked up.
God, have mercy on us!
I was probably the only Dadaist to vote for Trump 🙂