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Tableau II

In every country around the world.

There is fear of speaking.

I could file this under “surveillance”,

but I’m aiming differently.

Quite right!

There have been so few film reviews of recent times on here.

What is happening?

Well, I owe you (my dear readers) an explanation.

I am attempting to become a more responsible person.

[laughter in the wings]

I could anticipate, “Well, then what the bloody hell was the business degree for?”

Indeed.

That was a big step.

The most responsible thing I’ve ever done.

And the thing which nearly done me in [as we say in Texas].

So now I am out.

Two degrees ‘neath my arm.

A tailored suit in the pipeline.

NXNW.

But I am and have been a wreck.

And so responsibility has another meaning.

Taking care of myself.

Getting my mind right.

Exercising.

Sometimes I feel I’m making no  headway at all, but then I recall that I’ve kicked tobacco in these last three months.

No more patches.  No gum.  No slips.

And I could talk about the allergens here.

The molds, the mountain cedar, the oak…

As an asthmatic, life would be challenging enough in this uniquely sneezy city.

But it’s the anxiety which is always there “for” me.

Like the bird ’round the neck.

The mist of the waves bathing the deck.

Enshrouding us in a cloud of fine seawater.

Anxiety.

Social anxiety.

Check.

Existential anxiety.

Check.

We could go on and on.

And it would be nice to break it all down.

To find out if there’s anything I’m NOT afraid of.

But I pray the film reviews will recommence.

For now it is early to bed, [and a whole lot of insomnia and other misfortunes]…

The goal is early to rise.

For now it is walking every day.

A divine activity.

Takes you back 100 years.

The goal is to hit the gym every night.

It’s coming.

Fits and starts.

Hiccups.

Just so’s the trend line is positive.

Because, at a personal level, we feel the peaks and valleys.

And we think too much.

We want to prepare.

But we forego contingencies to obsess upon paralyzing circumstances.

So, get up early.

Take a walk.

Study for LSAT and GRE (plus readings in logic and math).

[GET A JOB]

Handle anxiety.  Manage anxiety.

Negotiate a medicinal route which allows for a “normal” life.

So I’m just here to share, friends.

These Tableaux.

I wish I could claim my masterpiece.

Maybe they will shape up.

But to get the word out.

The main idea.

Insomniac dithyrambic drivel.

And LOVE 🙂

Maybe.

If we can hang on, in life.

If we can stay off the streets.

If we can stay out of the trash bin.

I’m ‘angin’ on to ma trolley…

Riding through the night.

I wish each of you.

The best dreams.

The best wishes.

Just what your hearts need.

And thank you for reading.

 

-PD

4 responses to “Tableau II

  1. Paul, excellent post again glad to see you up and about I do love your whimsical posts keep it up. Laurence

  2. Paul S

    Thank you for writing!

  3. Writers must write as birds must sing, or crows, “Caw caw caw!”

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